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Earlier this week, I wrote an honest letter to my Earlier this week, I wrote an honest letter to my younger myself and shared it on my blog today. In my letter, I realize that I still hold onto deep childhood wounds. ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ One wound being that I experience patterns of loneliness that sends me spiraling into bouts of very deep depression. 2020 has been a year of exposure, and I'm being forced to face my personal struggles. I have always attached so much shame to being an anxious adult and also as someone never having many deep friendships growing up. We rarely talk about how lonely and alienating your 20s can be. ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ I am proud of myself for acknowledging this and seeking healthy ways to un-learn, relearn, and to grow. If you're someone like me who is still healing from childhood wounds, everything you feel is valid. We never know the kind of trauma or experiences that contribute to how we respond as we get older. When the mind forgets, the body still remembers. So I feel encouraged today. I recognize that I am not bruised or broken; but that I can be whole and fully healed. 💛
Well, this boat cruise was interesting. At one poi Well, this boat cruise was interesting. At one point, it got extremely windy. The Southern humidity eventually won the battle with my hair and the wind got the best of my dress. Shoutout to Manny for holding the bottom of my dress down numerous times when the wind tried to disrespect me. 😂🥴⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ Even though I was definitely embarrassed by that, I am thankful for the much needed laughter. And the realization that I was not the only woman on the boat struggling with her outfit. It still made for a great experience and memory with my love. 🤎
The past 11 months have been the most consistent I The past 11 months have been the most consistent I've been in my weightlifting journey. It's been fun for me. And I've enjoyed seeing the fruits of my labor. My time spent at the gym has also been teaching me an important lesson lately: comparison is the thief of joy. ⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣ I used to dread showing up at the gym to avoid feeling inadequate, the fear of looking silly or feeling so far behind compared to other women I'd see around me. But comparison (and the anxiety it creates) can show up in other areas of our lives. This is a gentle reminder to not occupy lanes that you aren't meant to fill. Focus on the one(s) that God specifically created for you. 🤎
My latest revelation? I am way, way too hard on me My latest revelation? I am way, way too hard on me. Some gentle reminders for myself and anyone needing a few encouraging nuggets: ⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣ 1. Be kind to yourself. You're doing better than you think. ⁣⁣⁣⁣ 2. Someone else's blessings are not the absence of your own. ⁣⁣⁣⁣ 3. The chapter of the life you're in is exactly where God wanted you to be. Your story is still being written, still unfolding. Trust the Author of your story. 🖤⁣ #GodsLovesYou
Growing up, I internalized racism and self-hatred Growing up, I internalized racism and self-hatred towards my Black hair. These kinks tell a story. ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ My hair used to be a reminder that any trait associated with Blackness was not to be tolerated. As a child and teenager, it was never praised in school or represented fairly in the media. ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ In middle school, a classmate whipped out her ruler to measure my very short ponytail after I told her not to do that. She then went to tell everyone in our class that it was three inches in length. It was difficult to endure those taunts and jeers at 13 years old. So I chose to wear braids for the next four years of my life. ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ During my senior year of high school, I started to wear my natural hair. At the time, I also had the biggest crush on a classmate and shared this with a mutual friend. He told our mutual friend that he didn't want to talk to me "unless she does something about that hair of hers." At first, I was devastated. But then realized I needed to stop internalizing what others thought or said about me. So I wore my natural hair to prom. It was yet another bold statement towards healing and acceptance.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ I am learning that my journey with my natural, kinky hair is one of learning, but also unlearning too. It is a part of my Blackness, which makes it a part of my identity. 🖤
I have been having a really difficult time trying I have been having a really difficult time trying to articulate how I feel into words. Honestly, I am not the best with them when I'm angry. It's also easy for messages to get lost in translation on a platform like this. Like many others, I am exhausted. And of all the things that I am tired of seeing is "all lives matter."⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ Christians: Crying out "all lives matter" while your Black brothers and sisters bring awareness to their struggle is dismissive. Please acknowledge the pain in knowing that Black lives are treated as disposable. We are called to bear one another's burdens. (Galatians 6:2). Our movement doesn't mean that other lives matter less. ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ For Black people and everyone who wants to do the work of interrupting racism: the message of racism will never be popular, but that's what made Jesus a true leader. He was willing to speak out about injustice when others wanted to silence him. This work is messy. And it's hard. I get that and I am with you. Continue to use your voices and to uplift others. Let us be the example of Jesus Christ.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ ⁣ #saytheirnames #georgefloyd #breonnataylor #ahmaudarbery #blm #blacklivesmatter
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