Soul ties are powerful and very real, yet they remain a touchy subject. It has taken me many years to get out of toxic soulish connections and to navigate the guilt, shame, and unhealthy habits that repeated in my relationships. If you find yourself in the same boat, it’s worthwhile that I share my experiences and how the soul ties were broken.
What are Soul Ties?
Soul ties are emotional bonds or connections that form an attachment between two or more people in the spiriual realm. Though soul ties can be pure and holy, they can still be perverted by the enemy. Ungodly soul ties are commonly created through sex outside of marriage and sometimes through emotional control and manipulation. In my experience, ungodly soul ties typically form in fast-moving relationships and can seriously cloud your judgment.
A few years ago, I was a co-dependent, clingy mess and felt unworthy of being in a loving, Christ-centered relationship. I stumbled upon a few YouTube videos one night that talked about how ungodly soul ties can alter our intimacy with Jesus Christ. And they make it difficult to engage with others because we can’t be honest, open or fully present with them.
In hindsight, soul ties played a huge role in my decision to be celibate 5 and a half years ago and to take my relationship with Christ more seriously. They also played a role in helping me to develop healthier communication skills and a more secure attachment style.
I experienced both emotional and sexual soul ties, so I will speak to them and how they were broken. What people don’t know is that ungodly soul ties will continue to form because of unhealthy relationship patterns that go unaddressed.
There were 5 themes that emerged across all of the ungodly soul ties formed. These are common in any relationship:
- Dating someone who was not equally yoked
- Having premarital sex of any kind
- Not defining boundaries or values
- Rushing singleness to avoid loneliness (ie. settling)
All these themes intersect. I ignored red flags because my desire for a relationship was stronger than wanting God’s desire for me to wait for His best. Sexual boundaries were broken because I didn’t define them or my values, nor did I consider the spiritual costs.
The most salient theme in all of this was dating someone with no personal relationship with Christ. It’s a dangerous territory to be in, one that affects the entire trajectory of the relationship with the person. It’s true that someone who receives Jesus in their life will respect you and themselves—and that includes actively and appropriately establishing boundaries.
The first step in breaking the soul ties was repenting for my role in creating them and renouncing those relationships
The residual effects of my past lingered for many years. The feelings of deep hurt, frustration, and emptiness left me completely exhausted. I asked God for His forgiveness for my hand in creating unhealthy soul ties. Talking with Him was an emotional experience for me as I poured myself into my prayers. I grew tired of the enemy telling me that I was guilty and unworthy. I prayed and believed that I would be free of my spiritual bondage.
During prayer, I also asked for help in confidently defining my boundaries and values. And as much as I desired a partner that had a relationship with Christ, God showed me that I had a lot of personal work to do too. I also requested that He sever any emotional bonds.
Emotional attachments are tricky to get rid of because scientifically speaking, we attach memories to our emotions. Have you ever wondered why you go back to something that isn’t good for you now? It’s because those feelings felt good to you at an earlier time. That’s also why emotions are so deceiving (Jeremiah 17:9).
Soul ties block your blessings and make it impossible to move on. I removed any and all traces of them.
“Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” 1 Peter 5:8 (ESV)
Soul ties are powerful. Once God breaks them, others involved can feel the soul ties breaking too. Have you ever had someone try to reconnect with you after you sought to sever all ties with them? It has happened to me before. I am so thankful that God has given me the strength and sense to never look back.
Ungodly soul ties leave people struggling to let go of cell phone numbers or text messaging threads, remove someone from social media, or to get rid of objects that hold sentimental value. What might be hindering you? Is it time to let go? Are you hoping for a possible reconnection or to be on good terms? You can still be on good terms with people and not allow them access to you. I will never open a door that God has closed. That’s how I allow the enemy to walk right in.
I hope this post encouraged someone today. If you are struggling with unhealthy soul ties, having a community to hold you accountable is very empowering. They can pray for you and offer guidance when you need it. Sometimes, we run the other way because we feel shame or don’t want to feel judged. I’ve been down that road, and I have learned that there is someone who loves you and wants to help. If it weren’t for my community rooting for me, I’d still be in the same place I was a few years ago.
Prayer: Lord, thank You for always loving us and for Your open arms. Because of You, we can have victory over sin–despite what the enemy wants us to think. I ask that You reveal anything in our lives that keeps us from running to You, including the soul ties that bind us. Allow us to bring our concerns to You knowing that only You can lift these burdens and give us the freedom and peace that comes with having a relationship with our Savior. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.